The Faulkners

ITALIA!!

2009-06-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

There are really no words to describe our adventure to Italy. It was an amazing time for all of us. To even go on this journey was such a feat because between the five of us there are 11 children to be cared for. So, you can imagine we all felt priviledged to be there and make no mistake we made the most of our time away but all the while so grateful (and indebted) to our families for the opportunity.

Most of you know that Blair requested while we were on his 40th birthday trip over a year ago to be cremated and scattered over Italy because he loved it there so much. It was a casual conversation with Mark and Larissa about death, funerals, etc. and during that discussion a week prior to his own death he made his wishes quite clear. So, in an effort to do what he asked we embarked on this journey with his ashes to make his request a reality. I have to admit that this trip, as excited as I was about taking it, was clearly bittersweet. This was it-the last and final piece to finish on earth to a life well lived. A finale of sorts and I wanted it to be memorable for the children and for those who journeyed with me. Oh the pressure...

I knew we would leave the ashes on the first day of our journey so in an effort to make the scattering 'official' I wrote these words on the plane over to Zurich. I cried tears-- of sorrow, of sadness, of relief to finally be doing this, of joy for Blair in heaven, as I wrote these words that I unashamedly share with you. The emotion almost overwhelms me now just thinking about sitting in that cramped seat on a plane for 8 hours reflecting on my life over the last year and our life together. What a cleansing it was...

'I write this as we are crossing the ocean to leave you here just as you asked. Of course, it is not you and we all know that. I wanted to do as you wished and honor your memory, your life, and our time together on earth. So that is what we are doing. You would want us to leave you here and never look back figuratively and literally. You lived your life with no regrets and I will have none when the sun sets on this day. We both lived and loved fearlessly and I am so grateful for the time we spent on earth with you. I know you hear the constant rush of angels wings and music that we cannot even begin to comprehend in our finite minds. What a day it will be when we meet you and Christ Jesus in the sky. My heart leaps at the thought of that reunion with you in your perfect, glorified, unblemished body.

I can't even express my gratitude for the two children that God blessed us with. Every glance into their precious eyes is a glance back into yours. I want Davis and Campbell above all else to know that Jesus Christ is the reason for everything we did together and for all that I do now. I know they will watch this video one day and maybe think it a little strange but more than anything else I want them to remember that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord for those who KNOW Him. I want them to watch as your ashes scatter to the wind and know that our God is bigger than death. I want them to revel in the fact that your death has brought great change in the hearts and minds of hundreds if not thousands and to never forget that all things work for the good of those that LOVE the Lord. We will forever have a hole in our lives and hearts but the reason we go on is because Christ Jesus has filled that hole that nothing else can fill. Davis and Campbell have a treasure trove of funny memories, of great accomplishment, and sheer greatness to hold onto the rest of their lives. Thank you Blair for giving them such a heritage from the Lord!

I know that I will remember this trip the rest of my days. There is nothing that you wanted more than for us to leave your ashes here and celebrate a life, our love, our precious friends and family, and our blessings. SO, WE WILL!! We will eat our way through Italy and we vow to remember that though sorrow may last for the night, unspeakable joy comes in the morning. I am thankful to my Heavenly Father who loved me enough to give me the priviledge of sharing my life with you. I am thankful to my precious friends, Beth and Rebecca and Karla, that have joined me in this journey of completion and I so am thankful to my sister (in law) and in Christ who holds my greatest link to Blair's hilarity and zest for life on this earth. I love you and I thank you!

'Lord, You have given us today as a gift. We take it gratefully and vow to never forget that death is temporary. Eternity is forever!!! Help us, remind us, and empower us with your Holy Spirit to help others understand the reality of eternity and the temporary state we live in. Remind us daily of heaven's glory! Give us glimpses and help us to believe and live like this day could be our last. Bless our family as we press on. Lord, give Davis and Campbell a supernatural understanding of their Heavenly Father that heals the absence of Blair in their hearts. Give them the ability to comprehend eternity at a very young age! Thank you for giving us life by the giving of your own! We love you, we praise you, and I give you all the glory! AMEN!!'

In the pouring down rain, ponchos on, 'having a moment', on a moutaintop 500 feet above 'the' Roman Road we then scattered Blair's ashes after I read this. Final does not even describe it...but reliving it only reminds me that it is so not final and oh I am so glad.

We continued the journey to Lecco, Bologna, Modena, Florence, Verona, Vicenza, Venice, Marostica, Como and then back to Zurich, Switzerland. What a trip! God be praised for safe travels and honestly the most belly-laughing time I have ever had in my life. What a trip!!

Dreams

2009-05-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

Well, once again I am so far behind on this whole blogging thing for all of you who follow. I'll do better, but who am I kidding, I have two children. Most of you who read this know that a year has now come and gone since Blair left this earth for his new home in heaven. Today, May 1, Davis decided he would take a 'bath' aka 'Can I play in the tub uninterrupted by my sister?' this morning. While in the tub pretending he was in the movie Nemo with his plastic bag full of fish, he looked over at me and said, "Mommy, Daddy came in the door last night and gave me a hug and told me he loved me and then said he had to go back to heaven.' 'Really,' I said, of course not believing my ears. 'Did you dream that Davis?,' I asked in a very puzzled thought process. 'I guess,' he answered. Regardless, that precious baby ensued to discuss where Daddy was and why we couldn't go back to heaven with him. Oh my word, I was trying desperately in my head to come up with just the perfect words for him. So, I went on to say a few things about our own 'not nice things that we do and say to others' and how we could be with Jesus and that he died for us because he loved us and that is how we get to go to heaven. I honestly don't know what all I said because I was still numb that he had a dream about Blair, a year later. Then that precious child said, 'But Mommy, Jesus said let the little children come to Me for such is the kingdom of heaven, so he wants us to come to Him in heaven.' ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Did you just say that, at THREE??? Yes, he did and just as boldly and as confindently as I type this that baby knew that Jesus wanted him there, child or adult. That my friends is the power of SCRIPTURE!!! Thank you Lord for the sword of the spirit that is sharper than any two-edged sword and can penetrate the heart of a 3 year old to remind him that he is important and Jesus wants and loves him so much.

I couldn't help but share something that I will never forget with you. Do not be fooled at what they are picking up on, good or bad. Davis has an indeliable mark on his brain of what his Daddy means to him, regardless if he will never touch or feel his hug again. And, those scriptures about heaven that we sing over and over will stay with him till he gets there himself. Thank you Jesus for the gift of song and the combination of scripture. How blessed are we to have it available to us?

April has been bittersweet for all of us no doubt. We celebrated Easter together as a family and of course I couldn't help but think the whole day how grateful I was for power of Christ in my life but also I was overwhelmed with memories of our 'last holiday' that we celebrated. They dedicated the auditorium in the 50th squadron building in memory of Blair and after the dedication the squadron perceded to burn a piano, in WWII fighter tradition, in memory of Blair. They toasted him while the pianist played a burning piano. It was such a special day and we capped it off with a huge party, in true Blair form, at our house in honor of all of the precious people who have helped us over this past year. It was a perfect evening of awesome food, great friends, great music, thanks to Blair's cousin, http://www.russromine.com/, shameless plug but he is so awesome, and just the most precious bunch of people you have ever met. I'm so blessed and I can't even begin to tell you what it meant to see all of those sweet faces there to celebrate a life of meaning and a life that has caused great change in many lives.

Miss you all and thanks so much for all your prayers, comments and selfless sacrifices.

All my love,

Rachel

A Lesson Learned

2009-02-24T20:28:00.000-08:00

Ok, so yes it has been since December the 7th since I posted on here and since I am hearing you --you know who you are---here goes. The life and times of the Faulkners starts again with this post but it is really one that is needed and so exciting and good and prudent. But, before I get serious on you let's talk about what has happened since December the 7th to be exact. Christmas was so busy and fun and bittersweet but it was about the kids and that is the way we kept it. If you could have seen Paige and I in the floor putting together Davis's drumset there is no way you could have cried for us because you would have been laughing so hard, and then you would have cried, from laughing, because we were. I am not kidding, we put that crazy thing together and took it apart three times trying to get the crazy base drum right. It was pitiful. We have 9 years of college between the two of us and it didn't matter. What in the world?? It takes a village--that's all I'm sayin. Anyway, Davis was so unbelievably into the whole thing and convinced himself before bed that he heard the reindeer on the roof of Nannan and Pop's. It was precious and in spite of it all we all really enjoyed ourselves and yes I missed Blair beyond belief but I knew that He got to spend his first Christmas ever at HIS feet asking what day He was really born on. How amazing to get the whole recount from the ONE, while we tried to make it about Christ here on earth. The wonder of it all....

We took a little trip to Biloxi for a family reunion of sorts and had a fabulous time at Aunt Barbie's. It was so nice to see the cousins and Davis and Campbell were in their element with Rock Band for Davis and Campbell and the girl cousins vying for time with the 'baby'. Sweet!

January was a month spent in Columbus which was really rare for us. A whole month in one location with no nights in a pack n' play or alternative crib for Campbell. Thanks goodness since Campbell had pneumonia and a trip to the ER for a double ear infection. Not our finest month in recent history, but all is well now and to end the month Beth and Rebecca came to shop it up in Columbus, that's not a joke. You haven't lived till you get a babysitter for 6 kids under 4 and rummage Dirt Cheap and Fashion Apparell for the best deals in three states. You should come! Seriously! We loved being together and watching our kids develop life-long friendships like our own. It's really a blessing and one that I do not take for granted!

And then, in February we saw our beloved IIMAGINATION MOVERS!! Davis was out of his mind and decked out in his blue suit donning his wobble goggles and scribble sticks. We, and yes I am including myself here, were crazy people at the concert in Birmingham. It was so good to see them perform live and to MEET them. Yes, I'm serious. We were able to meet them --up close and personal with Mover Rich and the gang. I'm not sure who was a bigger idiot at the concert-me, definitely the girl in the red Mover t-shirt screaming when Mover Rich passed trying to get him to reach out and touch my baby boy. Yes, I know, I'm a freak! But, when our 'meet n greet' was over Davis just had to go back and tell Mover Rich that he could come to his house on Sunday. So cute---he was so serious!

And then, New York City, and yes, in my head I am saying that like the Pace Picante commercial. Oh, it's late.:)) Sorry! Judy, Glenda (Todd's mom), Jeanne and Paige(sisters -in -law), Hannah, Abby, and Haley (nieces) and I traveled for the ultimate girl weekend and lived it up right. We saw Mary Poppins, had a tea /birthday party at the American Girl Doll store, and took the grand tour of Manhattan in three days and had a fabulous time. China Town was a hit, minus our crazy purse purchasing experience, and of course the sistas enjoyed our night on the town at Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill, thanks Gran and Nannan. It was a sweet sweet time to be with those that I treasure most and will for eternity. I'm blessed, that's all I'm saying and you all know why.

So, there you have it and maybe that's why it's been so long since I posted. BUSY!! All that being said, I have learned so much that there is no way to share with you all over this one post. But, keep reading and know that God is up to something and no kidding I'm listening. I was asked to speak at a women's Bible study in Muscle Shoals. They were studying Proverbs and I started studying myself just to 'get a Word' to share with them. I landed and never got off of Proverbs 1:7--'the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fool despises wisdom and instruction.' Really, fear. Is that it?? Is that what I'm not doing? And, in my head the answer was 'YES, Rachel that's what I need.' Holy, reverent, fear. Ok, that's good. I can work with that and putting it into practice means 'I stand up a little straighter before you Lord, and I don't miss appointments with You, and I treat You like I would a meeting with Beth Moore---but you are so much more than that and I wouldn't miss a meeting with her one-on-one if my very life depended on it'!! Don't you see-I don't fear Him enough. And then, in true God form, He has reaffirmed it this week again and again and thus why I felt so compelled to share with you all.

Friday night I was sharing this whole fear of the Lord thing with a fellow believer and he said, 'Me too'! That is so strange that you would say that.' Is it strange--no it's not! And then, on Sunday, in my small group we are studying Andy Stanley's The Best Question Ever and would you believe the last video was about Fear of the Lord!! Are you kidding me?? Ok, you got me!! I get it, you win, always:). AND THEN, I'm not joking---this is nuts-tonight as I was prepping for my Esther study I was looking up the Bible verse that we are memorizing along with Living Proof Ministries (Beth Moore) blog and do you know what it was, um, yeah that's right Malachi 3:16 which says, (please don't fall off your chair like I almost did) 'Then those that FEARED the LORD spoke to one another, and the LORD gave attention and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before HIM for those who fear the Lord and esteem His name.'

Ok, do you see why my fingers are on fire typing this!!! Obviously, I am pretty overwhelmed by God's words and seeing it over and over is confirmation that HE is crying out for us to have that holy reverant precious fear!!! I want it, I need it, I crave it! Help me Lord to be in that book of remembrance and esteem your Name! Write me all over it, please! So, I'm desperate for the wisdom that college, and IQ, and ACT scores, money, and age cannot give me. Only through fear will I have that knowledge that breeds wisdom and LOVES discipline and instruction. I want it! Bring it!

Sorry for the explosion of thought but I'm seriously overwhelmed at His hand at work. He can do such BIG things if we just let Him! Miss you all!!

In His Fear, Rachel

Polar Expressed

2008-12-07T21:11:00.000-08:00

Davis, Campbell, Judy, David and I went to ride the Polar Express with some precious friends of mine from Birmingham this past Saturday!! We had such an awesome ride at -2 mph on the train, yes that's negative 2 because the thing crawled down the tracks. I think Santa's elves were pushing it! So funny! Santa and Mrs. Clause came down through the cars giving out little gifts and Davis was out of his mind excited to talk to him. He told him he wanted a really big piece of candy and a trumpet. So, there you have it-easy enough if I do say so myself. We had a great time even though Campbell was not releasing her death grip on me to go to Santa or the Mrs. Just like a 1 year old. We loved it and sadly made it home just in time to watch Alabama lose, oh well!

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

2008-12-07T20:26:00.000-08:00

I know, I know! You want Disney pictures!! Sorry, it has taken me forever to do this and I don't want to keep you waiting any longer!! First of all, we had the best time ever BUT, Disney is not a Ritz Carlton spa day, to say the least!! Oh my word, were we ever tired!! It was a crazy fun week of Mickey and friends and we certainly maximized our time and meal plan cards!! We loved the meal plan so sign up if you are going anytime soon! Drew and Haley had a great time riding 'It's a Small World' for the twelfth time, just kidding, but I will say that by far that was Davis and Campbell's favorite. Peter Pan was a hit and of course the fifty variations of Dumbo were huge with the little ones. Now, the adults hands down loved Soarin' at Epcot. It was a stark reminder that everywhere you go we take Blair with us and nothing like a 'flying' ride to remind us of all that he was able to do as his reality. There was not one thing in that ride that he had not flown over and swooped down on in some form of airframe that he flew over the years. What a life!! He would have loved it and we all could not miss him terribly at various moments throughout the week. Davis dancing with Jo-Jo and the Little Einsteins, Campbell jumping out of her seat to see Tigger, Davis at the coconut race at O'hana, Davis talking to Crush and telling him proudly that he was three, and of course the drummers at Epcot giving Davis their drum sticks because he was so into what they were doing---they were all priceless memories that I so wish Blair could have seen and he did in some way. In spite of the nagging thought that he was missing one of the most joyous experiences for toddlers, I was reminded again that no matter how great Disney is heaven is still better. The rides are better, the food is better, the people are perfect, and we are again all together. So, as I look at these pictures and dream of Blair being in them I still long for the day I will see him again. Because, make no mistake I will and it will be soon! So, we press on. I sincerely hope that you had a great Thanksgiving remembering all that we have to be thankful for. In spite of it all, we are still crazy blessed!

She stood!!

2008-11-02T20:47:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I know this is really just for our immediate family but we were so proud of our little unassisted stander!! Oh my word, you would think she was our first child!!:) We were sitting in the floor and I looked up and there she was clapping for herself!! Love that baby!

Pictures!!

2008-10-31T20:25:00.000-07:00

Birthdays!!!

2008-10-31T19:47:00.000-07:00

Oh my, October has been CRAZY! We have celebrated and had more cake than the law should allow. It was so much fun to watch the kids with their friends at school and at their parties. We had a great visit at home and I was able to speak for Community Bible Study. This has been a month filled with bittersweetness on more than one level. But beyond the hole that we felt without Blair there to watch Davis drive his new battery operated red Mustang, to watch Campbell blow out her one candle and not burn herself :) and to watch her stand up alone, to go trick or treating as Captain Hook with us as Wendy, Tink, and Peter Pan, we still have joy and we know that our new normal is reality. We have had so much fun and as much as we hurt I still know that our hurt is his gain! Oooo, I could write a book but I'll spare you the details. Here are just a few of the 300 pictures (and that is no joke but I wasn't taking all those:) I have taken this month! Miss you and love you all!

September-Where did it go??

2008-09-28T18:20:00.000-07:00

Every month that goes by I am just amazed and what all has happened and where the time has truly gone. I know, I know the older you get the faster it goes. And, since I turned 32 this past Friday I feel like no truer words have been spoken!

This month has been so busy with MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) getting started back, my Family Time Kindermusik class, Gustav evacuees, one Bible study ending and another one starting, a trip to Birmingham and did I mention 2 children, one of whom is going to take her first steps any day!! Oh my how crazy! But, all that being said it has been a great 'birthday' month all in all and we continue to thank God everyday for what we have and not what we lack.

Personally, one of the most interesting things that has taken place this month has been the Daniel Bible study ending and us starting 'The 66 club'. This refers to the books of the Bible of which I am desperately interested in putting it all together for once. I have been in 'church' before I was born but haven't really 'studied' cover to cover or have I studied the basics of Bible knowledge. Yes, Noah, Moses, woman at the well and all the stories and parables are of course extremely familiar but the history and chronology have been a mystery to me and I really wanted that to change. How many Beth Moore studies over the years have I done without getting the big picture?? Not anymore!! God says his Word will never come back void and HE is crying out to us to learn it, know it, hide it, teach it and do it every day!! So, thus the 66 club began out of a song that I learned at VBS in 6th grade with the 66 books of the Bible as the subject. So, on Tuesday nights about 20 women show up to learn and admit that we always can't find Hebrews or Zephaniah, and that we didn't know that the Old Testament is not chronological, and that only 11 of the 39 books in the Old Testament tell the 'story'. But, in one accord we admit our desire and it has been awesome. Again, what have I been doing for the last 32 years when it comes to all the basics--who knows?? But, I know I am passionate about taking others on this pursuit and falling in love with the Word like never before!! How can you love something you don't spend time with? Answer-you can't, so this is my futile attempt to learn and love. If you read this and want the same thing and think to yourself, 'that is so me', then log on to http://www.christiancourses.com/ and do it with us. We are doing the Bible Basics track and it has been fabulous. I just know that God gets so excited when we get excited about His precious Word. Oooo, gotta love it!! Join in--I promise you will not be disappointed and you will be amazed at what you don't know!! Good stuff!!

The kids are doing great and Campbell is learning something new everyday. We are clapping on command, dancing to the Wiggles (which I can't believe I got sucked in to that one and just goes to show that we were born to dance), signing 'more,' 'all done', and 'fish' and she is just about the sweetest little thing ever. She loves school and you have never seen a baby light up like she does when her prince Davis walks in the room. She adores him more than she can even express and it is precious. Davis has turned a corner and now that she is more animated and 'gives back' he is definitely more into his role as big brother. They are the most precious gift a mother could ask for and every night I put them to bed and get the priviledge of waking up to their precious faces is just one more chance to say thanks be to God for all that HE has and will do through them!!

Birthdays come and go but I have to say that my sweet friends and family made this one very special and I will forever be grateful for all that they did. I think for me Blair's birthday will always be harder than mine could ever be without him but all those who 'stood' in the gap made every effort to make it special this year. I spent a precious night at Restaurant Tyler in Starkville with Columbus friends and then headed to Birmingham for a weekend with Beth and Rebecca, oh yeah and did I mention our 6 kids under 4. That alone is funny! We had a Florence/New Orleans reunion on Friday night with old friends and their sweet kids and it was so fun to see everyone. What a treat! Then Saturday we headed to the new Robert Trent Jones resort, Ross Bridge, for the royal spa treatment and loved all of it! Dinner at Surin West topped off our perfect night and weekend!! What a blessing I have in my sweet friends! I truly thank my God every time I remember them and all they have done for me!!

So, maybe October will be a little slower. Yeah, no, because both of the children were born this month and it will be filled with fall fun, birthdays, and some great costumes. Stay tuned for Tinkerbell, Peter Pan, and Wendy photos to come! How cute is that?? Loving me some dress up! I know, I'm such a girl!!:))

Pictures!!

2008-08-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note so you can see our latest photo shoot. This was probably the most crazy photo session ever but girlfriend, Heather Mitchell, was an absolute magician with these shots. Hope you enjoy!! They will only be up for a week! www.heathermitchellphotography.com and the password is falkner22 (not a typo). Enjoy!

Milestones

2008-08-22T19:59:00.000-07:00

I sat by Carrie Emmons tonight as they honored Blair and Matthew at Matthew's 'former' class's assignment night. They had a moment of silence for them, introduced us, and rang the bell in honor of their fallen commrades and our husbands. As I sat there, my heart broke for Carrie. She held her 3 week old baby, Laban Matthew, in her arms and just wept. It was rivoting and pitiful and made me sick to think of all that they missed out on as a couple and as an Air Force pilot. Matthew will never know the success of seeing a fighter pop onto that screen tonight, he'll never know the joy and terror of flying a fighter into battle, he will never know the joy of dropping bombs and firing the pickle button to shack, he will never know the pride of a squadron at Hawgsmoke, he will never know the sheer joy of holding his baby boy, he will never see another wedding anniversary. Yes, his joy is much greater now but Blair knew all of these things and so much more. He lived the ultimate dream for a pilot, father, and husband on this earth. I sat there beside her thanking my God for what I did know and what Blair so valiantly experienced everyday. How unmatched are your blessings upon me!! Thank you sweet Jesus for what I had and have today in this moment.

So amongst the craziness of school starting back, we are finally in the groove of a new year and that is honestly refreshing. Davis and Campbell both began at Fairview Baptist Church's Mom's Day Out this past week. Campbell is now a crawler almost walker and is into everything. She loves Davis so much and just needs to be where he is. She said some of her first real words in the last two weeks. 'Mama' and 'Bye-Bye' were the first two and if she is anything like me the others won't be far behind. She is changing everyday and has so much going on in her head, not to mention the teeth that keep popping out and interrupting her sweet sleep.

Davis and I just returned from the beach and had a great time with friends. It was a treat to be with just him and spend time playing in the sand and surf. He loves the beach and everything about it. We ate hibachi one night and he thought Ratatouille was under the chef's hat. Japan and France -you know they are so similar to a 2 year old. So funny! He had his first scooter ride this week as well and did quite well. He's a little slow but we love our new 'neighborhood' hand me down. We call ourselves the 'Palmer Home (our local orphanage that has a thrift store) of Hunnigton' because all of the neighbors pass on their outgrown awesome toys to us. What a treat for Davis and for me!!

Pray for Carrie this week. She is in Columbus for 2 weeks and will attend the class graduation. She is struggling because she loved the Air Force life and everything about it. She misses this love and bond that we share here and she is so far removed fromit because she is in Pennsylvania. God give her strength to be the best mom sweet Laban could ask for. Give her a hope and a future that she cannot even imagine. He did for me, He'll do it again, and He will for her!!

No Greater Love

2008-08-03T19:30:00.000-07:00

First, thank you so much for your prayers on Sunday and frankly everyday. I am blessed to know that you are truly lifting our family to the Father every day! We met with the Accident Investigation Board and because I can't possibly reach you all with the news I just wanted you know that I will do my best to inform you this way--clearly and accurately.

They began by saying that definitively and 100% positively that Matthew and Blair died immediately and did not suffer in any way. A relief for us all.... The sequence of events began upon takeoff and 3.6 seconds later it was over and they had met their Maker. So, you can imagine that time frame as an eternity in some ways but honestly just a blink in others.

The wings on airplanes have flaps that raise up and down and they are called ailerons. Basically, the right aileron failed causing the plane to roll to the left and making it impossible for Blair to recover into a normal takeoff sequence. He initially corrected but in this critical phase of flight it could not be saved. The plane struck the ground upside down and slid off the runway where it burst into flames. According to our brief, all the flight controls indicated that Blair told Matthew to eject and upon the ejection initiation the plane was rolling too fast and Matthew's trajectory was amiss. Blair stayed with the plane trying to recover with a hard right stick and rudder but to no avail. You and I both know he was trying to save it with all he had after Matthew ejected. Blair impacted the ground and died instantly without the ability to eject properly upside down. The plane tilted in the skid off the runway and Blair basically was thrown from the plane at that moment of the tilt due to the seat seperation sequence for the ejection seat.

This is the basis of 500 page report we received. The report is thorough beyond your wildest imagination, has testimonies from everyone who had any chance of seeing it happen or did see it happen, and is a comforting but yet a piercing document of epic proportions for our family that was given to us today. We are grateful for the detail because it is such a blessing to read the testimonies of the first people on the scene, the men and women that flew with Blair, and to see the 'big picture' of it all.

So, what do I think? I'm beyond proud of Blair's heroism. He died knowing that he did everything he could to lay down his life for his brother. I know Blair, he was the 'daddy' in charge of that jet and that 'son' was gettin' out if it was the last thing he did. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.' John 15:14. He did it---no doubt in my mind. I am so unbelievably grateful that I can tell my children that their daddy died a hero. He is the epitome of the word. I am blessed that they have that kind of heritage to remember and reflect on when the going seems so tough. Thank you Jesus for giving me this story of exteme intrepidation. He is my 'Braveheart' and the greatest earthly super hero my children could ever ask for. WHAT A GIFT!

Honestly, today has been brutally painful and truly nauseating in some regards. The reenactment of it all has given us some missing links into our own closure. I truly feel like all day I was reminded that Christ is in control and no matter what this report says-the end is still the same and HE is still on the throne. Intense focus on that one thing is all I can do from here on out. It is a requirement for my own survival and that is just honestly the way I HAVE to view this whole process. We are blessed to have the detailed information, the promise of the Air Force to prevent this again, and the love of a country for Blair's selfless service to keep us all safe.

And by the way, Campbell's crawling. WHAT?? She is loving her new freedom and I am astonished at the difference in Campbell and Davis on the whole 'movement' thing. No comparisons! Here's a video and notice Davis's crawling 'debut' --so typical.:)

5 years ago today....

2008-07-19T20:59:00.000-07:00

I just felt like I couldn't let today, our anniversary, go by without writing something about 5 years of a blissful marriage. What could I possibly say to make this day more palatable? There is nothing but sweetness to remember. So, that is what I choose--the greatness of it all. I thought that most of you reading this have probably never seen this picture---but it was so us! Me laughing and Blair being the funniest person you could imagine. He had that knack like none other and I miss it terribly. But, make no mistake his little man has that knack and he graciously has stepped in to make his mommy laugh hysterically at the things he says and does. So, till I get to heaven to hear that quick wit again I will just let Davis fill in.

I am singing at a wedding next weekend and I as was practicing today I couldn't help but be completely overcome with emotion about our marriage and my relationship with Christ at this very hour. The song 'How Beautiful' is so gorgeous and the words are truly perfection. As I sang, 'How beautiful the radiant bride who waits for her groom with his light in her eyes. How beautiful when humble hearts give the fruit of pure lives so that others may live,' ---all I could think was, "Could this really be the words that so poignantly express my deepest emotion of Blair's death and life?" As I reflect on our wedding photos, this picture, the ceremony, our 5 years of highs and lows, I can't help but think that the fruit of Blair's life culminated so that others could truly live! But, those others can't 'live' if we won't do what the last verse of that song says-'How beautiful the feet (mine and yours) that bring the sound of good news and the LOVE of the King." Tell someone you love that Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE! He is it! Nothing else--just Him!

Marriage is such an awesome gift that I was blessed to experience. From the moment we discussed getting married, I knew that God had ordained us to be together. I am thankful and grateful that I could experience so much with a man that loved me selflessly. Thank you, dear Jesus, that you allowed me this gift for 5 years. I am blessed by the fruit of Blair's life and lives that we created together.

Boats, Big Boy Underwear, and the Beach!

2008-07-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

Obviously based on my lack of posts, this has been a very busy month! We have been on the go with a capital G! It's been crazy good and we are almost done with our travels. The last weekend in June we went to Paige's for the Deeper Still conference in Atlanta with Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer, and Kay Arthur. It was AWESOME and honestly I was just so grateful to be there. It was an intense weekend of study but what got me the most was the worship. All I could think about the whole time we were there was, 'This is so what heaven will be like and then some.' I looked at Paige, Blair's sister, on Friday night as it began that first night and said, 'He gets this and better all the time.' It was beautiful and honestly made me long to be there even more than I already do.

Priscilla Shirer spoke the first night about the children of Israel in the wilderness before they arrived at Mt. Sinai where they were to see God. They camped there in the wilderness and prepared to see the face of God. All I could think the whole night was -'this is so my life.' I have pitched a tent in the wilderness and by golly I will see the face of God and relish every moment of it. Priscilla challenged us to dwell in it; rest in it; trust in Him; humble yourself and learn more than you ever could in another place. It was God's choice to lead the children of Israel through the wilderness. There was an easier way, but He took them on a different path to allow them to see His provision. Mount Sinai was the furthest possible place away from external blessing. It was at this place that they received the biggest internal blessing. Enough said, this is so my life!

So, we now have reached a milestone in a toddler's life! We are officially potty-trained. There was no waiting or delaying. It was going to happen and Davis was the conductor on this train. While in Atlanta, he said 'Mommy, I want to poo-poo in the poddy' and well, the rest is history. He did it on his own and we clapped. No kidding, this was not my choice and honestly for those of you who have done it -you know it's just different when you can't just slap a diaper on. Well, not anymore. So, to celebrate we had a Poo-Poo Party for Davis and it involved cake and pizza. Davis thought it was the greatest thing ever. He got a treasure box filled with trinkets of encouragement and an ice-cream cake that was pitiful looking but it fit the bill. He LOVED it! You know I'm all about a party and especially one for this praiseworthy accomplishment. I'm sure you're thinking this is the craziest thing ever--but at this point my motto is 'whatever works.' He's doing great and with the exception of a few accidents we are a big boy underwear wearing two year old.

We spent the 4th in Florence and had a great time with the Fousts. It was a great day and Campbell had her first taste of ribs, a Faulkner/Foust tradition of eating ribs and tenderloin. Davis was well attended by Hannah and Abby and they had so much fun romping all over. We went out of the boat with the Wilson's over the weekend and Davis and Campbell both loved the boat so much. Campbell was not real excited about her 'flotation' device but she did manage to nap in it. Davis was too busy on the front of the boat and did not bat an eye. He was not going to miss one thing and didn't.

And finally, the beach. My high school friends decided it was time for us to get together after all these years and do something besides just spend an hour together at Christmas. So, we planned a weekend getaway to Ono Island and had a great time. We decided to name ourselves to give ourselves a real identity as a group. So, Just Us Girls, the JUGs. I know, cheesy, but of the other choices -trust me, this one was best. After staying up way to late watching hilarious leadout videos and looking at more picture albums than we would admit we decided that it was high time that we did this and we won't miss another chance to do it again. Thanks to my JUG girls for making our weekend perfect!

After the JUG girls left to go home, David and Judy trekked down with the kids to the house where we were staying. They were such champs to drive my kids that far without their mother. But, they had the trusty 6 changer DVD (How do you live without it?) and a bag of Cheerios for Campbell and therefore life was pretty good. We had the best time ever and Davis has loved the sand and surf. Campbell-well, let's just say it was a photo op for me and that's about it. Speaking of photo ops, our beach photos are quite hilarious. I will spare you the details but let's just say that a 2 year old and an 8 month old were not meant for camera timers or the dusk hour. CAN SOMEONE SAY NIGHTMARE and can I get a witness? The week was perfect (other than the heinous beach photos):)) and the house on Ono Island was the icing on the cake!

CIRCUS ACT

2008-06-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

What a week! We have been busy and it has been great. After taking Campbell to the doctor for her fever and snotty nose, which was teeth (of course it wasn't her ears), we have been making the most of summer with our new 'water park' as Davis would say. As those of you who read this with two children under 3 know, it's hard going anywhere much less to the pool with all the get up we take. So, Little Tikes hooked us up with a little H2O fun and it all happens in the back yard. Yeah--I love it and let's just say the investment was SO worth it. Talk about endless hours of fun and the neighbors have all gotten in on the action in the Faulkner backyard. We blew that thing up and it was like ants on watermelon. They came one and came all (we have 14 boys under 12 on our street) to see what it was! Of course, Davis graciously invited them into his 'water park' and has invited every other child he has encountered in the last week. So cute!

Aunt Barbie and MiMi came for a visit and we topped it off with Poppy coming to take us to the circus. What a TREAT! We loved it and had the best time! Oh, to be 2 again! It was magical and all I could think was 'If you think this is great just wait till Disney!' We did the whole pre-show thing and Davis ran out there to assist the dog trainer with her trick. It was hilarious! He was mesmerized and loved every second. We had front row ring seats and literally we could see the hair on the elephant! Let's just say we were close. So, the elephants came out and one perched on one of those round drum things and sat down not 6 feet from us. Davis crawled up me like I was a ladder he was so scared of that thing. He warmed up as they made their exit. Of course, he had his first taste of cotton candy and has asked for more ever since. He is his momma's child. The end of the show proved quite interesting when they picked Poppy to assist with a trick and took him into the ring. It was just a 'joke' but Davis thought it was real and started yelling, "Don't take my Poppy." At least we know he's leary of strangers. It was so sweet and really a perfect day!

This week has been much better and as we all know life is passing us by. I had wanted to do Beth Moore's Daniel study for a long time and just haven't had the chance. So, no time like the present, right? I asked several friends to join in and we ended up with 20 women on Tuesday nights at 8 pm studying about Daniel in our pajamas after my kids go to bed. How awesome is our God!! He knows we are all busy with little ones but yet knows our hearts and knows we desire SO MUCH MORE than MUNDANE!! I wanted to share with you what Beth (sounds like she's my friend and I so wish she was) said in one of the lessons from this week. She said this to her daughter and quoted it in the lesson. "I told her that one of the most powerful mood changers God had ever taught me was to open up my mouth and say, " I choose joy, I may not feel it, but God has appropriated it and I choose it." Enough said, I choose it!!

P.S. Campbell's six month pictures are on www.jenphotography.com. Go to 'Proofs' and the code is 'campbellf'. So sweet!

Happy Father's Day

2008-06-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

So, where to begin this Father's Day weekend. I would say that this has truly been one of our hardest weeks yet. I guess just the overwhelming emotion of watching your child hurt (even if for a fleeting moment) has sent me to a place of rawness that I honestly have never felt before. But, I was prepared because I knew that the two month mark was coming and it would be the beginning of the hardest, most challenging times for me as a mother, widow, and disciple. I thank God that his mercies are truly new EVERY morning and that my babies go to sleep knowing that their daddy loved them more than his own life itself and their heavenly Father loves them even more than all of the whole world's love for them combined. Amazing, but true. Thank you Jesus!

I would say to my dad.....Thank you for loving your unworthy daughter with a selfless love like none other. How many times you have worked yourself to exhaustion to put up my Christmas tree umpteen times, clean my gutters, pressure wash my driveway, clean my garage, cut my grass, and play with and babysit my kids while I traveled the world with Blair? You are a jewel and God has blessed me with a dad who loves me enough to do all those things but more than that to truly die to himself to do it. What a gift you are! I love you today more than ever!

To David....Thank you for being Pop. My heart leaps knowing that you have that email that Blair sent you before Christmas. I am so glad because honestly he probably wouldn't have written that in a Father's Day card and God knew that. So, on this day --read it, soak it in, and know that your son would be so proud of you and the way you have handled this separation. We will see him again and it will be perfect. Thank you for being Davis's bingo charlie man and for Campbell's twinkle when she sees you. Those babies love you so much and that will never change. Thank you for being so quick to send me flowers or bonsai trees:)). I love it --don't ever stop! I will always be your FD-I-L and he your FS!

To Blair... yes, I know he won't read this but this is what I would say and I'll share it with you.....

What a special day this would have been for you. Two kids to call you daddy and one of which you have never even heard speak the word. But, just like you said the night before you died, 'Look at her, we haven't even heard her talk and we love her so much,' and the feeling was mutual and still is. You have made me so proud and our children could not ask for a better father except Christ, of course. You were in a place of pure bliss about our life and for that I am eternally grateful. Being a father to you was always about what I could do to help my children love Christ more and the fun of it all. When you would say, 'I just want Davis to wake up and see me in the Word,' my heart rejoiced. What a gift for my husband to want that for his children. You wanted nothing more than for them to come to know Christ at the earliest possible age and we prayed that every night for them. You will view that one day from a place like none other and I know there will be sweet rejoicing in heaven when that day comes. I am forever grateful for the relationship that you had with Davis. Short as it was, it was idyllic and truly sweet. The big boy couch will never be the same but we still continue your question of 'Whose boy are you?' every night and he always says, even now, Mommy's boy and Daddy's boy. Thank you for making such a lasting and permanent impression on your son. Somehow, I believe that he will always truly remember you because how could he forget a daddy so larger than life. I am blessed to have witnessed your time with him. There was not a happier moment in my day than watching you with him after working all day. You were into it and he knew it! What a gift! You taught him to hit a baseball off the tee, to dribble a basketball, to use both hands with a golf club, to keep his eye on the ball always, and he was 2. Don't worry, your precious friends, Pop, and Poppy and yes, your 'I don't like to get dirty' wife will step in and teach him my limited knowledge of sports (yes, this is a funny, funny, statement:)). It won't ever be the same but just know you laid a solid foundation beyond his wildest dreams for that litte Eddie Haskell. Finally, I would tell you that Monday he woke up and immediately asked for you. After he agreed that you were in heaven, he stopped and said, 'No, he's in the dining room.' I said, ' Where?' He pointed to our family portrait and said mommy, 'There he is.' Then unprompted said, "I love you, daddy,' just as if you had been standing there. We love you and wish you a Happy Father's Day in heaven. I know you are smiling down on us and have no understanding of our pain and I am grateful. Your legacy is eternal and we will only glimpse God's plan on earth. You are a treasure and I love you. Till we meet again..... Rachel

Sorry, no doubt you are crying now. I just needed to get that out. I hope your day is joyous with your Father whether in heaven or earth. Enjoy it--leave no word left unsaid. Today is the day to make amends, to reconcile, to rekindle, to cherish, and to be thankful for the men in our lives. Be men of God, seek Him FIRST, be the spiritual leader of your house and see how much better your house 'runs'. Sorry, just had to get that in there. Much love...

My First Real Blog Experience

2008-06-11T18:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, so we had the digital scrapbook thing but I just love this whole blog thing. It's so great and you can get such a great glimpse of what family life is like for everyone. I love it! It's also such a great way to keep in touch. So, here you go.

This will be my own personal walk through grief and hope along with glimpses of our precious children. I hope you enjoy! I will enjoy putting it together I'm sure!

Everyone asks about the children so I will give you a brief overview with some photos of course into their little world.

Campbell, well, let's just say give her a bottle, some food, a nap and we're set! She is precious and is about the smiliest kid you will ever meet. We had her six month pictures made this past week and in 25 minutes we had three outfit changes and were out the door. Nothing short of miraculous for all of you who have done this before!

Davis is doing great but he misses Blair terribly(as we all do) and when he is missing him inevitably asks, 'Mommy, where's daddy?' It's so obvious that he cannot even begin to comprehend and maybe because the rest of us can't either?? Today, we went to the base pool after Kindermusik and he said 'Mommy, there's daddy in that airplane -let's go get him." So innocent and then after we talked about heaven he said, "Mommy, is daddy in his mansion playing his guitar?" What? Out of the mouth of babes---no wonder Jesus loved kids so much! How could you not? What he knows about heaven is so perfect and yet he really thinks that one day we will drive up at our house and Blair will be there. Don't we wish it could be like that! So, needless to say I cried myself to the pool barely able to drive with the tears in my eyes.

But, I have to remind myself, Blair has won the ultimate and this is not about survival on this earth it is about thriving and giving God all the glory and honor that He deserves. Yes, painful but there is no other reasonable option for me at this point. Obviously, Davis and Campbell will both hang on my EVERY word and I want them to KNOW up close and personal that VeggieTales song--Our God is bigger than the boogie man and HE IS WATCHING OUT FOR YOU AND ME! Praise Him for it!