5 years ago today....

I just felt like I couldn't let today, our anniversary, go by without writing something about 5 years of a blissful marriage. What could I possibly say to make this day more palatable? There is nothing but sweetness to remember. So, that is what I choose--the greatness of it all. I thought that most of you reading this have probably never seen this picture---but it was so us! Me laughing and Blair being the funniest person you could imagine. He had that knack like none other and I miss it terribly. But, make no mistake his little man has that knack and he graciously has stepped in to make his mommy laugh hysterically at the things he says and does. So, till I get to heaven to hear that quick wit again I will just let Davis fill in.

I am singing at a wedding next weekend and I as was practicing today I couldn't help but be completely overcome with emotion about our marriage and my relationship with Christ at this very hour. The song 'How Beautiful' is so gorgeous and the words are truly perfection. As I sang, 'How beautiful the radiant bride who waits for her groom with his light in her eyes. How beautiful when humble hearts give the fruit of pure lives so that others may live,' ---all I could think was, "Could this really be the words that so poignantly express my deepest emotion of Blair's death and life?" As I reflect on our wedding photos, this picture, the ceremony, our 5 years of highs and lows, I can't help but think that the fruit of Blair's life culminated so that others could truly live! But, those others can't 'live' if we won't do what the last verse of that song says-'How beautiful the feet (mine and yours) that bring the sound of good news and the LOVE of the King." Tell someone you love that Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE! He is it! Nothing else--just Him!

Marriage is such an awesome gift that I was blessed to experience. From the moment we discussed getting married, I knew that God had ordained us to be together. I am thankful and grateful that I could experience so much with a man that loved me selflessly. Thank you, dear Jesus, that you allowed me this gift for 5 years. I am blessed by the fruit of Blair's life and lives that we created together.

Boats, Big Boy Underwear, and the Beach!

Obviously based on my lack of posts, this has been a very busy month! We have been on the go with a capital G! It's been crazy good and we are almost done with our travels. The last weekend in June we went to Paige's for the Deeper Still conference in Atlanta with Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer, and Kay Arthur. It was AWESOME and honestly I was just so grateful to be there. It was an intense weekend of study but what got me the most was the worship. All I could think about the whole time we were there was, 'This is so what heaven will be like and then some.' I looked at Paige, Blair's sister, on Friday night as it began that first night and said, 'He gets this and better all the time.' It was beautiful and honestly made me long to be there even more than I already do.

Priscilla Shirer spoke the first night about the children of Israel in the wilderness before they arrived at Mt. Sinai where they were to see God. They camped there in the wilderness and prepared to see the face of God. All I could think the whole night was -'this is so my life.' I have pitched a tent in the wilderness and by golly I will see the face of God and relish every moment of it. Priscilla challenged us to dwell in it; rest in it; trust in Him; humble yourself and learn more than you ever could in another place. It was God's choice to lead the children of Israel through the wilderness. There was an easier way, but He took them on a different path to allow them to see His provision. Mount Sinai was the furthest possible place away from external blessing. It was at this place that they received the biggest internal blessing. Enough said, this is so my life!

So, we now have reached a milestone in a toddler's life! We are officially potty-trained. There was no waiting or delaying. It was going to happen and Davis was the conductor on this train. While in Atlanta, he said 'Mommy, I want to poo-poo in the poddy' and well, the rest is history. He did it on his own and we clapped. No kidding, this was not my choice and honestly for those of you who have done it -you know it's just different when you can't just slap a diaper on. Well, not anymore. So, to celebrate we had a Poo-Poo Party for Davis and it involved cake and pizza. Davis thought it was the greatest thing ever. He got a treasure box filled with trinkets of encouragement and an ice-cream cake that was pitiful looking but it fit the bill. He LOVED it! You know I'm all about a party and especially one for this praiseworthy accomplishment. I'm sure you're thinking this is the craziest thing ever--but at this point my motto is 'whatever works.' He's doing great and with the exception of a few accidents we are a big boy underwear wearing two year old.

We spent the 4th in Florence and had a great time with the Fousts. It was a great day and Campbell had her first taste of ribs, a Faulkner/Foust tradition of eating ribs and tenderloin. Davis was well attended by Hannah and Abby and they had so much fun romping all over. We went out of the boat with the Wilson's over the weekend and Davis and Campbell both loved the boat so much. Campbell was not real excited about her 'flotation' device but she did manage to nap in it. Davis was too busy on the front of the boat and did not bat an eye. He was not going to miss one thing and didn't.

And finally, the beach. My high school friends decided it was time for us to get together after all these years and do something besides just spend an hour together at Christmas. So, we planned a weekend getaway to Ono Island and had a great time. We decided to name ourselves to give ourselves a real identity as a group. So, Just Us Girls, the JUGs. I know, cheesy, but of the other choices -trust me, this one was best. After staying up way to late watching hilarious leadout videos and looking at more picture albums than we would admit we decided that it was high time that we did this and we won't miss another chance to do it again. Thanks to my JUG girls for making our weekend perfect!

After the JUG girls left to go home, David and Judy trekked down with the kids to the house where we were staying. They were such champs to drive my kids that far without their mother. But, they had the trusty 6 changer DVD (How do you live without it?) and a bag of Cheerios for Campbell and therefore life was pretty good. We had the best time ever and Davis has loved the sand and surf. Campbell-well, let's just say it was a photo op for me and that's about it. Speaking of photo ops, our beach photos are quite hilarious. I will spare you the details but let's just say that a 2 year old and an 8 month old were not meant for camera timers or the dusk hour. CAN SOMEONE SAY NIGHTMARE and can I get a witness? The week was perfect (other than the heinous beach photos):)) and the house on Ono Island was the icing on the cake!

CIRCUS ACT

What a week! We have been busy and it has been great. After taking Campbell to the doctor for her fever and snotty nose, which was teeth (of course it wasn't her ears), we have been making the most of summer with our new 'water park' as Davis would say. As those of you who read this with two children under 3 know, it's hard going anywhere much less to the pool with all the get up we take. So, Little Tikes hooked us up with a little H2O fun and it all happens in the back yard. Yeah--I love it and let's just say the investment was SO worth it. Talk about endless hours of fun and the neighbors have all gotten in on the action in the Faulkner backyard. We blew that thing up and it was like ants on watermelon. They came one and came all (we have 14 boys under 12 on our street) to see what it was! Of course, Davis graciously invited them into his 'water park' and has invited every other child he has encountered in the last week. So cute!

Aunt Barbie and MiMi came for a visit and we topped it off with Poppy coming to take us to the circus. What a TREAT! We loved it and had the best time! Oh, to be 2 again! It was magical and all I could think was 'If you think this is great just wait till Disney!' We did the whole pre-show thing and Davis ran out there to assist the dog trainer with her trick. It was hilarious! He was mesmerized and loved every second. We had front row ring seats and literally we could see the hair on the elephant! Let's just say we were close. So, the elephants came out and one perched on one of those round drum things and sat down not 6 feet from us. Davis crawled up me like I was a ladder he was so scared of that thing. He warmed up as they made their exit. Of course, he had his first taste of cotton candy and has asked for more ever since. He is his momma's child. The end of the show proved quite interesting when they picked Poppy to assist with a trick and took him into the ring. It was just a 'joke' but Davis thought it was real and started yelling, "Don't take my Poppy." At least we know he's leary of strangers. It was so sweet and really a perfect day!

This week has been much better and as we all know life is passing us by. I had wanted to do Beth Moore's Daniel study for a long time and just haven't had the chance. So, no time like the present, right? I asked several friends to join in and we ended up with 20 women on Tuesday nights at 8 pm studying about Daniel in our pajamas after my kids go to bed. How awesome is our God!! He knows we are all busy with little ones but yet knows our hearts and knows we desire SO MUCH MORE than MUNDANE!! I wanted to share with you what Beth (sounds like she's my friend and I so wish she was) said in one of the lessons from this week. She said this to her daughter and quoted it in the lesson. "I told her that one of the most powerful mood changers God had ever taught me was to open up my mouth and say, " I choose joy, I may not feel it, but God has appropriated it and I choose it." Enough said, I choose it!!

P.S. Campbell's six month pictures are on www.jenphotography.com. Go to 'Proofs' and the code is 'campbellf'. So sweet!

Happy Father's Day

So, where to begin this Father's Day weekend. I would say that this has truly been one of our hardest weeks yet. I guess just the overwhelming emotion of watching your child hurt (even if for a fleeting moment) has sent me to a place of rawness that I honestly have never felt before. But, I was prepared because I knew that the two month mark was coming and it would be the beginning of the hardest, most challenging times for me as a mother, widow, and disciple. I thank God that his mercies are truly new EVERY morning and that my babies go to sleep knowing that their daddy loved them more than his own life itself and their heavenly Father loves them even more than all of the whole world's love for them combined. Amazing, but true. Thank you Jesus!

I would say to my dad.....Thank you for loving your unworthy daughter with a selfless love like none other. How many times you have worked yourself to exhaustion to put up my Christmas tree umpteen times, clean my gutters, pressure wash my driveway, clean my garage, cut my grass, and play with and babysit my kids while I traveled the world with Blair? You are a jewel and God has blessed me with a dad who loves me enough to do all those things but more than that to truly die to himself to do it. What a gift you are! I love you today more than ever!

To David....Thank you for being Pop. My heart leaps knowing that you have that email that Blair sent you before Christmas. I am so glad because honestly he probably wouldn't have written that in a Father's Day card and God knew that. So, on this day --read it, soak it in, and know that your son would be so proud of you and the way you have handled this separation. We will see him again and it will be perfect. Thank you for being Davis's bingo charlie man and for Campbell's twinkle when she sees you. Those babies love you so much and that will never change. Thank you for being so quick to send me flowers or bonsai trees:)). I love it --don't ever stop! I will always be your FD-I-L and he your FS!

To Blair... yes, I know he won't read this but this is what I would say and I'll share it with you.....

What a special day this would have been for you. Two kids to call you daddy and one of which you have never even heard speak the word. But, just like you said the night before you died, 'Look at her, we haven't even heard her talk and we love her so much,' and the feeling was mutual and still is. You have made me so proud and our children could not ask for a better father except Christ, of course. You were in a place of pure bliss about our life and for that I am eternally grateful. Being a father to you was always about what I could do to help my children love Christ more and the fun of it all. When you would say, 'I just want Davis to wake up and see me in the Word,' my heart rejoiced. What a gift for my husband to want that for his children. You wanted nothing more than for them to come to know Christ at the earliest possible age and we prayed that every night for them. You will view that one day from a place like none other and I know there will be sweet rejoicing in heaven when that day comes. I am forever grateful for the relationship that you had with Davis. Short as it was, it was idyllic and truly sweet. The big boy couch will never be the same but we still continue your question of 'Whose boy are you?' every night and he always says, even now, Mommy's boy and Daddy's boy. Thank you for making such a lasting and permanent impression on your son. Somehow, I believe that he will always truly remember you because how could he forget a daddy so larger than life. I am blessed to have witnessed your time with him. There was not a happier moment in my day than watching you with him after working all day. You were into it and he knew it! What a gift! You taught him to hit a baseball off the tee, to dribble a basketball, to use both hands with a golf club, to keep his eye on the ball always, and he was 2. Don't worry, your precious friends, Pop, and Poppy and yes, your 'I don't like to get dirty' wife will step in and teach him my limited knowledge of sports (yes, this is a funny, funny, statement:)). It won't ever be the same but just know you laid a solid foundation beyond his wildest dreams for that litte Eddie Haskell. Finally, I would tell you that Monday he woke up and immediately asked for you. After he agreed that you were in heaven, he stopped and said, 'No, he's in the dining room.' I said, ' Where?' He pointed to our family portrait and said mommy, 'There he is.' Then unprompted said, "I love you, daddy,' just as if you had been standing there. We love you and wish you a Happy Father's Day in heaven. I know you are smiling down on us and have no understanding of our pain and I am grateful. Your legacy is eternal and we will only glimpse God's plan on earth. You are a treasure and I love you. Till we meet again..... Rachel

Sorry, no doubt you are crying now. I just needed to get that out. I hope your day is joyous with your Father whether in heaven or earth. Enjoy it--leave no word left unsaid. Today is the day to make amends, to reconcile, to rekindle, to cherish, and to be thankful for the men in our lives. Be men of God, seek Him FIRST, be the spiritual leader of your house and see how much better your house 'runs'. Sorry, just had to get that in there. Much love...

My First Real Blog Experience

Ok, so we had the digital scrapbook thing but I just love this whole blog thing. It's so great and you can get such a great glimpse of what family life is like for everyone. I love it! It's also such a great way to keep in touch. So, here you go.

This will be my own personal walk through grief and hope along with glimpses of our precious children. I hope you enjoy! I will enjoy putting it together I'm sure!

Everyone asks about the children so I will give you a brief overview with some photos of course into their little world.

Campbell, well, let's just say give her a bottle, some food, a nap and we're set! She is precious and is about the smiliest kid you will ever meet. We had her six month pictures made this past week and in 25 minutes we had three outfit changes and were out the door. Nothing short of miraculous for all of you who have done this before!

Davis is doing great but he misses Blair terribly(as we all do) and when he is missing him inevitably asks, 'Mommy, where's daddy?' It's so obvious that he cannot even begin to comprehend and maybe because the rest of us can't either?? Today, we went to the base pool after Kindermusik and he said 'Mommy, there's daddy in that airplane -let's go get him." So innocent and then after we talked about heaven he said, "Mommy, is daddy in his mansion playing his guitar?" What? Out of the mouth of babes---no wonder Jesus loved kids so much! How could you not? What he knows about heaven is so perfect and yet he really thinks that one day we will drive up at our house and Blair will be there. Don't we wish it could be like that! So, needless to say I cried myself to the pool barely able to drive with the tears in my eyes.

But, I have to remind myself, Blair has won the ultimate and this is not about survival on this earth it is about thriving and giving God all the glory and honor that He deserves. Yes, painful but there is no other reasonable option for me at this point. Obviously, Davis and Campbell will both hang on my EVERY word and I want them to KNOW up close and personal that VeggieTales song--Our God is bigger than the boogie man and HE IS WATCHING OUT FOR YOU AND ME! Praise Him for it!