There was this overwhelming sense to write this post today. A decade has past and looking at my life over the last 10 years on the the first day of my next 10 years, I am honestly overwhelmed at the joy, the sorrow, the fun, the growth, the blessings, the pain, the ashes, the fire, the quenching, the kids, the help, and the prayers. I could go on and on down this entire entry.
I mean really, in the last 10 years I have buried Todd, married again, moved to New Orleans, had two amazing pregnancies resulting in two precious kids, weathered Katrina, moved again to Florence, then San Antonio, then Columbus, lost Blair, scattered his ashes in Italy, raised two kids (with LOTS of help) to know that HEAVEN IS REAL, and SURVIVED!! I am tired just reading that! Seriously, in 10 years who would have thought!! Not me, that's for sure.
I sit here on the brink of what has to be another decade of growth for sure, but hopefully a little less fire. BUT, if not, TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY.
The emotions are so eloquently summed up in Davis's tears last night as he gazed upon our last family picture on his dresser and cried, 'I just miss him so much and I want him to come out of heaven and play with me." Me too, buddy, me too. I was speechless and at that moment I felt so sorry for my sweet baby boy. I rarely have that feeling because I can't let myself go there. It's too painful. But last night was heart wrenching because as he gets older HE sees what he is missing. He sees other daddies and wants his. Ugh, life just hits you square on in moments like that. The reality is so vivid and clear and my comeback to all of that was simple. WE WILL SEE HIM AGAIN and it will be perfect. Hold, squeeze, kiss, rock, repeat. 'Daddy is so proud of you and the man that you are becoming.' All I could think was , 'Dear Lord, please come quickly so I do not have to tell him this for the next decade.' Can I get an AMEN?
So, if you are sobbing I am sorry. I keep remembering that verse this weekend that says it is better to go to a house of mourning than to a house of feasting. We have all done some serious feasting these past few weeks. Honestly, it's been downright ridiculous for most of us. I am still stuffed from Christmas day and my four meals. I mean come on!!! But, how aprepo for me to mourn this weekend and start the year off with a fresh perspective on the why in the world I have gone through this craziness over the last 10.
I'll tell you why, because you are reading this and reminding yourself as you are reading that this is about your own PERSONAL relationship with Jesus Christ. THAT IS ALL WE TAKE WITH US! You can't take your 401 K (or half of it post July of 09), you can't take your car (even though I heart my mini-van like nobody's business), you can't take your kids (even though somedays that might seem like a great idea, LOL), you can't take your degree or title, you can't take your lovie or your 'security blanket' (even though Davis asks me all the time if God will let him have his rabbit in heaven). NONE of it, just what you have done to make HIM famous and the relationship you have with HIM. Wow, that's something to think about in 2010. I want to be bolder, I want to know HIS WORD better, and I want to deeply invest in people more in 2010 --because this is it. One chance....blip on the screen of eternity.
Did I mention that I love NEW YEAR's DAY! Wow, nothing like a fresh start, huh? I am glad I was at a house of mourning this weekend. Weird, I know. Mourning is good, we should all do it more. May this find you contemplative this day. I love you all and sorry I have slacked so bad on posting....I'll do better in 2010.